The week before Christmas the farmer announced to the animals he would not be giving them the traditional cheese and sausage box. The pig was relieved. The farmers suggested instead they should pool names in a black rubber bucket and draw them for exchanging gifts.

There is a parable of the International Goat Sensation.  A story about a boy and his goat.  Tim was a kind-hearted graduate student who raised Longhorn cattle.  On his daily trips from ranch to school and back, he passed a plowed field with sparse feed left. A big horse and a small goat stood by the fence and watched him as he came and went.  Concerned for their well being, the third day he stopped at the feed store, bought some hay pellets and after dark, snuck back to the pasture and fed them.

The Hindu dairymen, represented by the Hare Krishna (HK) in the United States, have much in common with dairymen from California, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin.  The HK dairy is in West Virginia and is called New Vrinaban.  They refer to themselves as a cow sanctuary.  The big distinction is they never cull a cow.  Granted, this sounds familiar to many a ranch wife who has often heard her husband shout over the noise of the preg checkin’ chute, “I know she’s open and got no teeth, but let’s run her one more year!”

Years ago I crossed the Arizona border into the village of Sasabe, Sonora.  The public statuary that marked the plaza was not of Father Kino, Coronado or Pancho Villa.  It was a nose-dived Cessna 182 nestled in a pile of rubble.  I don’t know if the drug smuggler walked away from the crash, but he left an indelible monument.  The other thing that added to the bucolic scene was a crossbred bony heifer grazing on a cardboard box under the wing!
I had déjà vu when I saw a photo of goats walking through garbage on an Egyptian street.  The headline read:  “A Little Late, Egypt discovers the Flaw in Killing all its Pigs!”

There are globally astute, politically tuned, conscientiously correct people who watch C-Span and write letters to the editor.  When the letter “A” is flashed before their eyes they immediately think Ahmadinejad (president of Iran), Ambassador or Al Gore.  Whereas when I see the letter “A”, my mind brings up anteater, all-terrain-vehicle, and artichoke.

Those of you who watch television appreciate the increasing presence of ‘hard-sell, direct-buy’ commercials on the cable and satellite networks.  The pitch involves an inventive but cheaply produced product like squeegees, stick-on light bulbs, sunglasses, vegetable choppers, political promises and collision chasing lawyers.

Mrs. First Lady Obama’s organic gardening is good for all of us involved in agriculture.  So few citizens have the time or interest or space to grow anything they eat, that they have no way to relate to the land and what it takes to make it fruitful.  Even fewer know how to can or preserve their home-grown produce for the winter’s larder.

Lately I’ve been packing a Global Positioning System locator when I’m checking cows.  Now I can find my way back to the horse trailer!  But the GPS in rental cars with all the streets and highways displayed turns my blood cold.

Dave came by. I had seen him last week at the horse sale.  “Did you sell that horse you were on, what was his name?”
“Dumbo,” he said, “Dumbest horse I’ve ever rode!  I got him from a Forest Ranger.  She gave him to me as a gift.  Apparently, the horse was the result of one of those unplanned pregnancies.  Seems someone, late one night and without her knowledge, had left this shaggy little mustang stallion in her corral.  As luck would have it he managed to get up next to the Forest Ranger’s good mare and get her in the family way.

When the Asian Flu hit the country in 2003, were people warned to stay away from Chinese restaurants and Japanese cars?  When the West Nile virus was diagnosed in humans did the Health Department tell us to avoid going to Egypt?  How ‘bout small pox?  Were there Dwarf Warnings posted?  Does riding Tennessee Walkers give you a charley horse?  Do you catch the swine flu by eating barbecued spare ribs?